Salutations.
My name's Jonan,
I'm an 18 year old with the lungs and liver of a 70 year old.
If by any unfortunate(for you) chance,
you get to know me more intimately,
you will find that I:
am quite the cynical little shit
am rather lazy,that's what everyone tells me anyway.
prefer night so much more over the day that I've made a few owl friends.
experiment with the stupidest things possible and still think I am reasonably intelligent.
have an ectoplasmic look during classes.
change brands of cigarettes as much as a girl changes clothes.
am an asshole in my own right,if you know what's good for you,you won't get close.
have an email address;jonan_yip@hotmail.com.

Misery loves company which is why I'm never alone. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Heelloow all,I'm back.First of all,I'd like to say,I can SKANK NOW!WOOHOO!Syafiq says I've got it now PADAPADAPADAPDA!After all those long hours listening to ska,getting laughed at by Hafiz,Izwan and Weikiong and practicing in front of the mirror in my underwear while humming "A Message to You Rudy"...Okay.Sorry.I'm not very good yet :( But my underwear brings out the Jamican look you know,oh nevermind.

Hmm let's see what I can blog about teh-dayyy.


Alriight.Recently,if you look through the newspaper,you'll see that yet another charity organisation has come under fire.And that charity is:"Youth Challenge"!Hurrah.Unfortunately,their founder still comes second to our dear Mr Durai.The founder of Youth Challenge,Vincent Lam is paid 13,000 a month.Okay what,you might think.This is,however a CHARITY ORGANISATION.The charity,according to the Straits Times,raised $400,000 last year,and has reserves of $100,000.What are the reserves for I wonder.Lam to public:"The reserves are for emergency purposes if we have to exceed expenses for prostitu-I mean pro-public purposes sorry,ahem."


Haha.Yeah right.


Lam to himself:"Woot!I got spare cash go Bali "play" with 12 year old girls!I wonder if the Vice President wants to go...If so then must book two rooms already wahlao."

Yes,I must agree his charity is aptly named.Having sex with 12 year old girls is indeed a Challenge for the Youth,if you get my drift ;)


Youth Challenge is also hit by more controversy involving students complaining that their money has not been refunded when supposed humanitarian trips were cancelled.I'm sure the Youth Challenge directors are having humanitarian trips of their own to Joo Chiat or Lorong Geylang.


Damn,if it's that easy to make dough with a charity organisation I'm gonna start one of my own."Help for Tragically Disabled Children".All I need is some pathetic looking kids and a few parangs.Abit of chopping here and there and I can turn them into A Class looking disabled kids.Maybe my charity should be called "Help for Tragically Dismembered Children" instead.All I have to do is rub chilli into my eyes and get myself on the telly,and I'll be on my way to Bali :D


No lah I not so asshole if I want to scam I'd scam rich dumb kids like Paris Hilton.


"Hello,may I speak to Paris?""Yeah,I'm here and I'm like trying to turn on my computer but it doesn't seems to work.""Have you tried pressing the ON button?""What ON button?""Nevermind,would you like to buy a mystical water balloon that increases your bust size when you stuff it down your shirt?""Oh wow,cool!I'll get one!Hey!It really works!"


Yes Paris,the stars are blind and so are you.


Anyway,back to topic,speaking of charities,let's go on to NKF Bashing!Let's see,Durai was paid 2 mil a year to sit in his chair and rub chilli in his eyes whenever he's on camera.And NKF patients on the other hand,are not subsidized fully even when in need and when money is abundant.I bet Durai's such a miser he eats the diabetic kidneys because he doesn't want to waste them.This,makes his urine sweet and not wanting to waste his sweet urine,he mixes it with Tequila and Heroin and calls it Wee Surprise.Then he sells it as lemonade to kids to make more money and digs out the organs out of the dead kids' bodies and flogs them to rich,dying old men in India.Durai,Durai,you are such a wonderful muse for epics.


Anyway,I think I'm going off now I going to open lemonade stand ^^


Up Yours and Fuck Off :D,Jonan/Twiggy.

P.S Guess why Durai needs the 2 Mil a year?Cause he has to feed all his kids in BALI.



God I am fucking stoned right now.




Okay.



I was learning how to skank just now from Syafiq.And while I was getting laughed at for being too stiff,there was this auntie in a school bus,KEPT BLOODY HORNING AT ME.CHEEBYE PEOPLE TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO DANCE DUNNO HOW TO GIVE ENCOURAGEMENT.



As Syafiq says,it's all in the arms baby.



I will post later because I am so A.P that I have to do double posts.



No lah I need to go shit ^^



And don't worry,I will enjoy myself :DDDDDDDDDDDD


Up yours,Jonan./Twiggy.



Due to some egging to update my blog,I am well,updating.Well,this is rather late but congrats to the PRCS Idol,Hanani.Gratz to Syaz as well although I don't know why you got third.Farhan got like single-digit number of votes?MOST IMPORTANTLY,THE JUDGES WASTED MY FUCKING VOTE.And you wasted quite a considerable sum of money bribing everyone to vote for you huh.Yay I can now buy new pants lmao.Nah,I'm kidding,Syazwan scared the audience into voting for him ^^


More recently,which was the day before yesterday,which is as recent as you can get to recent next to yesterday.Fuck.I think I should stop snorting crack and type.Well,whilst walking along the park with Zhiyong at approx. 10.45 pm,we found a wallet.HOORAH!Possible scenarios if someone else found a wallet:A law-abiding citizen:"Hm..I should return this to the police.The poor fellow would need to pay $300 to remake his IC."A primary schoolkid:"Waaahhh.Come and see Thomas!The phone card very nice leh.(dumps the rest of the wallet in a nearby trashcan.)"Me:"Wah fuck find wallet also never find LV or Gucci."


I guess you all know what kind of person I am :D


Well,I was planning to keep the IC so I could pass for pool legally and stuff like that.Unfortunately,the IC was belonging to someone of Indian nationality.And yeah,I can imagine people working at the pool counter complaining that plastic surgery bloody cheap and is available to 16 year old kids nowadays.And then later people call me Chinese Michael Jackson.So no.No Indian IC for me.Next to that,the first thing I noticed was that there was only 10 cents in it.The second thing I noticed was that there was a death certificate in it.So we are back to the scenarios.A superstitious person:"I better make offerings to the dead person lah,later ghost follow me go home rape backside in the toilet."A normal person:"Wahlao.How dead people wallet end up here siaaalll."Me:"Cheebye lah!Find wallet not only never find LV or Gucci,INSIDE ONLY GOT ONE MOTHERFUCK 10 CENTS."


We decided to surrender the wallet to the police since,A:There was no money in it.B:It belonged to a dead person who would prolly be stuck at the afterlife customs.Finally,C:It wasn't LV,Gucci or Prada >:(


At the NPC,the police guy was rather nice lah.Never action bedeh try to show off police rank or whatnot.He was recounting his "younger days" with us."I tell you all ah,no need scared go home no bus after 12 lah.Walk home quite fun what.(Me thinking to myself:That's cause you liked getting ass raped by a drunken stranger sir.)That time ah,we all drive to Yishun see whether people making love in the car."I can totally understand how lucky us youngsters are.Now got internet,can download porn.Last time don't have so...go Yishun lor.If lucky,can see car rocking with couple inside.If unlucky,see bapok screwing each other on park bench.Dear policeman I will try and burn some for you and drop it off at your workplace so that you and your uppers can watch "Naughty Nurses and Beautiful Bondage Babes 4:Hardcore Gold Edition."The second thing was:"Aiyah I tell you all ah,last time ah,we all go Geylang ah.Not illegal mah last time."Us:"Sir we blanja you next time lah,steady bo?""Aiyah now ilegal liao lah,want go must go Bali mah.."(We think what the fuck.)"Sir Bali all maid you want fuck ah?""Aiyah got paper bag can liao lah..."Okay.I think next time I also be policeman.Keep the prostitutes off the street-by hiring them 24/7 ^^


Bah.I'm going off now.And remember kids,if your parents d/c your internet,there's always YISHUN :D <3,Jonan./Twiggy.


P.S Dear blog critics,although I may not update that often or I may not be very funny,the stuff I post is better than the crap you post on your blog such as what you ate.If you like that kind of stuff I can describe the palette of colours my faeces has.I can include pictures too!Other that,stay cool and don't burst a vessel trying to suck your own cock ^^


P.P.S Cassie get well soon so you don't keep attracting male bullfrogs.



Oh goddamn it's been a long time since I blogged but anyway,since I'm already here I might as well start huh?Well just to bore you with impossibly irrelevant details,today has been a really shitty day.I've failed 3 common tests,managed to get whiteboard eraser dust on my shirt and got burned for snoozing in class.Well at least it considerably lightened towards the end.3/5 beat 3/6 in the debate finals.(I'm fourth speaker btw :X damn I'm gonna get flamed for this lol.)And just hanging with guys like Hafaeces,Banglazwan and Rudeboy Syafiq was cool.I think I'm going faggot.



What I've been doing for the past few days=Eat.Sleep.Do some weed.Play at playground.Stone.Jiwang(emo)at playground.Go home shit.



Help!I'm going hippie!I feel like spreading the message of vegans,drugs and free love.Nah I'd rather chop off the ol' Divine Rapier/Anaconda than go hippie.



And I love the Anaconda very much <3 <3 <3.



I still need a weed to calm my nerves.To tell the truth,I wasn't taking down notes during the debate.I was drawing an epic stickman battle between Darth Maul and Obi-Wan.(Darth Maul won cause he chopped off Obi-Wan's penis and fed it to him btw.)Speaking of Star Wars,I wonder if Mr.Lucas ever thought of important plot points like e.g:Whether Yoda uses viagra.(I think we'd all like to see a 12-inch pickled cucumber on the silver screen.)Whether Luke ever did his own sister.And whether Jabba the Hutt is a result of a Black American's penis bearing the effects of living near a nuclear powerplant.(I'd like to use my dick as a glo-stick too.)



Plot development Mr.Lucas!Plot development!



Anyway,besides the point,I may be going to "look for ghosts" later with Mr.Faeces and the Rudeboy.Don't worry,I'll let you know if I see anything or fuck anything :D And don't be alarmed if I come to school tommorow looking possessed,it'll just be the "Heroin Effect".Nah,I'm just kidding,I don't do drugs.Glue is much cheaper.


See ya all then,Jonan./Twiggy.


P.S TMRW IS PRCS IDOL ANYONE WANT BOOKIE CALL ME OR IZWAN ^^