Salutations.
My name's Jonan,
I'm an 18 year old with the lungs and liver of a 70 year old.
If by any unfortunate(for you) chance,
you get to know me more intimately,
you will find that I:
am quite the cynical little shit
am rather lazy,that's what everyone tells me anyway.
prefer night so much more over the day that I've made a few owl friends.
experiment with the stupidest things possible and still think I am reasonably intelligent.
have an ectoplasmic look during classes.
change brands of cigarettes as much as a girl changes clothes.
am an asshole in my own right,if you know what's good for you,you won't get close.
have an email address;jonan_yip@hotmail.com.

Misery loves company which is why I'm never alone. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Alright.Most of you who get on msn regularly(and jack off to my pic)should know that I have been currently S-T-R-I-P-P-E-D of my phone.Now,don't panic i.e:"OMFG!How am I gonna tell Jonan I want to buy his used underwear/Argh I can't call to express my overflowing admiration for his brilliance etc.I have a spare number.To tell the truth,I have another line for fan mail and (hot)girls to contact me.It seems that I'm supposed to be Ukrainian royalty.

Okay fuck it I bought prepaid lol.

With a phone loaned from one of my fellows(Kiong),you can now contact me.To buy my used underwear and/or express etc.The only problem is that a few keys are jammed and hard to press which leads to me swearing more than I should in a day.And I uh,kind of forgot my number so I have to dig around for the sticker.

Alright now with that out of the way,let's venture on to how I got my phone raped off me.

Hafiz(informed by mr low):eh guys how bout dnt tmr?meet at underground at 9.

-----------NEXT MORNING/11am-----------

Me:"Wtf is hafiz?It's eleven fucking oclock and he's still not here"

Fiq:"And I heard there's no dnt."

Hafiz on the phone:"Eh so got no dnt ah?Ok then I don't come down I go sleep.Thanks ah bye."

Me and fiq:"Fuck mr low la."

Ben:"Ya la fuck mr low la."

All:"Shuttup la Ben you also say got dnt right."

So.When you wake up at 9 in the morning to go for a class and you find out there's no class what do you do?

Lepaaaak of course.

We sat around until 3 when we all started having RO withdrawal symptoms.

"Eh I need to go level my character."

"Stay awhile first leh...Wtf why are you shivering?"

So I got home and were met by my parents.Who insisted that I told them there was dnt to go out at 9 in the morning when I slept at 4 last night and make myself think that I'm on heroin because there's no fucking way my eyelids can feel this heavy without being under the influence of something strong and harmful.And they continued by saying that I smell of ciggarettes when I clearly smell of Calbee Hot and Spicy wth.So with these two reasons they removed my mobile off my persons.

Effective?Yes.

Unfair?Uh huh.

Logical?No fucking way.

On top of that when the arguing got heated(me valiantly defending all that is right and just),my father brought in his pride and joy:Iron 7 club."Jonan,I am fully prepared to take responsibility for this."Yeah sure that's fine and dandy but how's Mom gonna get the bloodstains off the bedsheets?So thinking for my mother,I backed away and told him that he didn't want to practice putting with my head(Actually ah,mom never tell you that my head has this funny lump on it that makes it not very aerodynamic).Anyway,who wants to fight an angry guy with a golf club?

Not me man.I'm still a virgin.

Over and bloody out,Jonan.



Being pushed to update by a certain annoying presence again,so here I am.I'd like to kick things off with the rising price of ciggarettes in our sunny little island.Interestingly,a pack which costs 9.50 here is worth about 4 dollars in countries such as Malaysia.And why so?Because the government wants us to quit smoking due aging population/want less people to die etc.Ok,this is a rather noble cause and suchlike but it is hell not effective.Why so?Notice the govt. whining about contraband ciggarettes being smuggled into Singapore at an alarming rate(ref. to the govt. whining not the ciggarette smuggling).Damn right they're screwing themselves in the ass.

If they want to curb the rise in smokers,they should instead introduce something like a QUIT CARD.Issue a tag number to smokers and each week they go without smoking they get a stamp.Accumulate enough stamps and you get sponsored to a "happy ending" at Geylang or Joo Chiat.

Wait damn,then people would be dying of STDs instead.

Alright on to some personal matters.I discovered that my parents lied to me.And it's not a small one either.It concerns my entire perception of my existence and my family line.

And no,I'm not fucking adopted.

My father told me that I WAS THE BROTHER OF JESUS.Well,the original holder of my name actually.I went through 16 years thinking that no matter what other people can do better than me,I'm still the brother of Jesus hell yeah,I could show them in the Bible that wow I'm Jesus' brother.Well,recently I found out that my name is mentioned once in the Bible OMFG COOL.Did it say "And Jonan,the brother of Jesus,took his divine hand and Jesus anoited him with his holy blessing and from that day on every descendant from the family line of Jonan had powerrrzzz."?

No.

It went more like:"And Jonan was the father of (fill in some Hebrew sounding name) and the son of (fill in another Hebrewish sounding name knn)."With this knowledge about my true heritage my illusions of royal blood were shattered.I could have appeared on the Da Vinci Code INSTEAD OF TOM HANKS.And I kind of expected my powers to manifest when I hit 18(and no I'm not talking about hallucinations caused by drugs you a holes)like Jesus.Damn,my dad told me he prayed till he had visions about my name.I sure as hell hope he didn't pray with a whiskey bottle and half a quart of Guiness extra stout.

So by the end of the day I learn that:1.I'm not part of any royal family sigh.
2.I can't get any royalties from the publishing of the Bible.
3.I'm not gonna be able to pick up girls with my godlike aura when I'm 18.

Life sucks when you're of average descent huh.

Nevermind,I think I kind of look abit like Caeser now...

Till the next time I get irritated,pressured and bullied into updating,Jonan.

P.S Dearest C PLS STOP PESTERING ME TO UPDATE WHEN I AM UPDATING BECAUSE I'M TYPING THIS AT THE SAME TIME WHEN I NEED TO SHIT.MY BOWELS FEEL FUNNY NOW THX TO YOU AND IM GOING TO BOMB HIROSHIMA NOW SO I'LL REPLY ON MSN LATER KTHXBYE.