Salutations.
My name's Jonan,
I'm an 18 year old with the lungs and liver of a 70 year old.
If by any unfortunate(for you) chance,
you get to know me more intimately,
you will find that I:
am quite the cynical little shit
am rather lazy,that's what everyone tells me anyway.
prefer night so much more over the day that I've made a few owl friends.
experiment with the stupidest things possible and still think I am reasonably intelligent.
have an ectoplasmic look during classes.
change brands of cigarettes as much as a girl changes clothes.
am an asshole in my own right,if you know what's good for you,you won't get close.
have an email address;jonan_yip@hotmail.com.

Misery loves company which is why I'm never alone. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Being pushed to update by a certain annoying presence again,so here I am.I'd like to kick things off with the rising price of ciggarettes in our sunny little island.Interestingly,a pack which costs 9.50 here is worth about 4 dollars in countries such as Malaysia.And why so?Because the government wants us to quit smoking due aging population/want less people to die etc.Ok,this is a rather noble cause and suchlike but it is hell not effective.Why so?Notice the govt. whining about contraband ciggarettes being smuggled into Singapore at an alarming rate(ref. to the govt. whining not the ciggarette smuggling).Damn right they're screwing themselves in the ass.

If they want to curb the rise in smokers,they should instead introduce something like a QUIT CARD.Issue a tag number to smokers and each week they go without smoking they get a stamp.Accumulate enough stamps and you get sponsored to a "happy ending" at Geylang or Joo Chiat.

Wait damn,then people would be dying of STDs instead.

Alright on to some personal matters.I discovered that my parents lied to me.And it's not a small one either.It concerns my entire perception of my existence and my family line.

And no,I'm not fucking adopted.

My father told me that I WAS THE BROTHER OF JESUS.Well,the original holder of my name actually.I went through 16 years thinking that no matter what other people can do better than me,I'm still the brother of Jesus hell yeah,I could show them in the Bible that wow I'm Jesus' brother.Well,recently I found out that my name is mentioned once in the Bible OMFG COOL.Did it say "And Jonan,the brother of Jesus,took his divine hand and Jesus anoited him with his holy blessing and from that day on every descendant from the family line of Jonan had powerrrzzz."?

No.

It went more like:"And Jonan was the father of (fill in some Hebrew sounding name) and the son of (fill in another Hebrewish sounding name knn)."With this knowledge about my true heritage my illusions of royal blood were shattered.I could have appeared on the Da Vinci Code INSTEAD OF TOM HANKS.And I kind of expected my powers to manifest when I hit 18(and no I'm not talking about hallucinations caused by drugs you a holes)like Jesus.Damn,my dad told me he prayed till he had visions about my name.I sure as hell hope he didn't pray with a whiskey bottle and half a quart of Guiness extra stout.

So by the end of the day I learn that:1.I'm not part of any royal family sigh.
2.I can't get any royalties from the publishing of the Bible.
3.I'm not gonna be able to pick up girls with my godlike aura when I'm 18.

Life sucks when you're of average descent huh.

Nevermind,I think I kind of look abit like Caeser now...

Till the next time I get irritated,pressured and bullied into updating,Jonan.

P.S Dearest C PLS STOP PESTERING ME TO UPDATE WHEN I AM UPDATING BECAUSE I'M TYPING THIS AT THE SAME TIME WHEN I NEED TO SHIT.MY BOWELS FEEL FUNNY NOW THX TO YOU AND IM GOING TO BOMB HIROSHIMA NOW SO I'LL REPLY ON MSN LATER KTHXBYE.