Salutations.
My name's Jonan,
I'm an 18 year old with the lungs and liver of a 70 year old.
If by any unfortunate(for you) chance,
you get to know me more intimately,
you will find that I:
am quite the cynical little shit
am rather lazy,that's what everyone tells me anyway.
prefer night so much more over the day that I've made a few owl friends.
experiment with the stupidest things possible and still think I am reasonably intelligent.
have an ectoplasmic look during classes.
change brands of cigarettes as much as a girl changes clothes.
am an asshole in my own right,if you know what's good for you,you won't get close.
have an email address;jonan_yip@hotmail.com.

Misery loves company which is why I'm never alone. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Okay I've redone the blogskin.So that you guys won't have to switch from page to page and you can TAG while infusing my wisdom into yourselves.Ok you can get off your knees now.Now today,I've noticed that the GST increase brought about a fucking crisis.Before the GST hike,I would have at least a few dollars and some spare change left in my pocket.I use the coins to maim Benjamin by propelling them at high velocities towards his head.After the GST hike,I don't have any coins anymore.

Ben goes home unscathed everyday now.

Fucking crisis?Hell yes definitely.

But enough about me,I'm not selfish you know.What I want to draw your attention to is the motive behind it.The whole GST thing revolves around,believe it or not(actually believe it or you'll be ostracized by the rest of your peers for being a dumbfuck who doesn't want to listen to me),CONDOMS.

"Ah,condoms!Sweet rubbery confections that come with 3 different flavours!",you gasp.Why condoms?Let's take a dive into government policies.As you know,Singapore is suffering from a falling birth rate(if you did not know this you're stupid nutfucker and your parents are ashamed to be,well your parents).And why?Because most women haven't met me yet.But that's besides the point aight.Many young women don't want to start families because of the family-doesn't-help-my-career-unlike-the-way-I-blow-my-boss attitude.But wait,they still have sex so there's still hope.Unfortunately,these people practice safe sex-they use condoms.So unless they make condoms out of rice paper there's a very little chance of getting pregnant and they might abort and cook the fetus in oyster sauce.

Then some young bright lad in the parliament goes,"Hey!Why not we increase the GST so people WON'T BE ABLE TO AFFORD CONDOMS and they'll do it raw like on my favourite www.xxxflicks.com!"The old ministers go like:"Uh,I don't think that's a good idea.What kind of backlash will this cause?"Young fellow eyes them sternly and says:"Have you forgotten your duty to the country?For the sake of screwing your neighbour's wife and not getting beaten to a pulp by him when he finds out the kid's not his,you want to go against this?It's our only option.Our only hope to restore a dying nation.I am willing to forgo my own sexual safety"(He couldn't get a date because he looks like William Hung on crack)*Uproar breaks up in the parliament,ministers argue furiously.Finally the Prime Minister sighs and his finger punches a big red button.Goddammit no,it's not the one that says "Summon the Nude Catholic Dancing Boys"."INCREASE GST SO THAT EVERYONE WON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY CONDOMS AND GO AT IT RAW INSTEAD AND FUFILL OUR GOAL OF HAVING MORE BABIES ALTHOUGH THIS IS KINDA LONG WINDED AND I DON'T KNOW WHY IT CAN FIT ON THIS BLOODY BUTTON" it says in big block letters.


"But this is like,contradicting what they do man,"you cry."I mean like,they were the ones that started this safe sex campaign thing!",you wonder.Sigh,the naivety of the modern society.Tell me,when have you ever followed a bloody government policy willingly?It's reverse-fucking-psychology man.No one thinks it's cool to follow what the government says.They tell you they want you to use condoms when actually they're hoping that you'll go at each other like a couple of wild horses.I'll bet if the PM announced something like:"Hey everybody,raunchy,condomless sex is great!"Everyone would bundle up their little friends in kevlar and fuck as cautiously as a porcupine trying to screw another doggystyle.

So everyone,now you know.Go out,spread the word,enlighten your friends.The GST hike is not as simple as it seems(Adopt-A-Jew foundation),it's actually a conspiracy that rivals the Da Vinci Code.Wait,it's even more drastic than that,at least they didn't try to get Jesus pregnant.

Strangely all the ministers died from STDs not long after.

What about when Singapore suffers from overpopulation?

PM:"Hey guys!It's cool to be straight now!"

You get the idea.

Over and bloody out,Jonan.