Salutations.
My name's Jonan,
I'm an 18 year old with the lungs and liver of a 70 year old.
If by any unfortunate(for you) chance,
you get to know me more intimately,
you will find that I:
am quite the cynical little shit
am rather lazy,that's what everyone tells me anyway.
prefer night so much more over the day that I've made a few owl friends.
experiment with the stupidest things possible and still think I am reasonably intelligent.
have an ectoplasmic look during classes.
change brands of cigarettes as much as a girl changes clothes.
am an asshole in my own right,if you know what's good for you,you won't get close.
have an email address;jonan_yip@hotmail.com.

Misery loves company which is why I'm never alone. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Alright it's been p-re-tty(per-ree-tee)long since I've updated and I've noticed the intelligence deficiencies among my peers.Coincidence?I think not.What I think is that my sharp wit is greatly required.

I guess most of you know about the NS man that went missing and turned up with his rifle at Orchard Road huh.He probably wasn't going to give it a new paint job or shoot the Adult Video Rental owner in the head cause Backyard Gangbang 5 wasn't in yet as promised.So why the hell would someone carry a Sar 21 into town?Maybe his sergeant told him to treat his rifle like his girlfriend.I'm sure they enjoyed some pretty good movies together(it's no wonder they found a couple who were making out noisily in the cinema with bullets in their brains)before he got arrested.

But God,I'd hate to think what would have happened if he tried to have intercourse with it through the magazine slot."Give it to me!Smack that!"*BANG!"Hey,why's my cock in that guy's stomach.

That would be quite a large caliber for a bullet.Yeap,if dicks could kill.

Anyway penis projectiles aside,the reason stated in the paper was that his girlfriend broke up with him.

Then killed his whole family,fucked the neighbour's golden retriever(abit fluffy upon pentration but oh what the hell) and released a nude picture of him involving bondage and cross-dressing fetishes.

Okay lah,I shouldn't say such horrible things.I'm referring to the first part.

Maybe the September 11 tragedy was the work of 2heartbroken Iraqis and not politically-motivated at all.

Abdullah:"My girl left me last night...*______(fill in an Arabic curse),I love *______(fill in some Arab girl's name)so much.

Akeef:"That blows man,who're you dating now?"

Abdullah:"The neighbour's..."

Akeef:"Daughter?"

Abdullah:"No,goat."

*stunned silence*

Akeef:"O-kaay.So I guess you're gonna move on and hope better for the future?"

Abdullah:"Nope,gonna hit the World Trade Centre with a Boeing 747.Wanna come?"

Akeef:"Are you fucking retarded?I still have a bright future ahead of me!(Just got a job at Rent-A-Camel)"

Abdullah:"Don't give me that bullshit.It's cause you're still a virgin."

Akeef:"Fuck you.But I'm still young man,I don't wanna-"

Abdullah:"-They have those salty peanuts you like on board..."

Akeef:"Let's go."

But seriously if your girl leaves you,don't be an asscrack and do something stupid like carry a rifle into Orchard.Or fly a plane through the World Trade Center.

And please do not attempt to commit suicide.

Near anyone,that is.People work pretty hard to look good in town and shooting yourself in the head will get all that nasty blood and brains on their expensive,new jackets.If you really really have an irresistable urge to blow your head off then do it in a nice,quiet carpark.

Damn,then again you might ruin some Lamborghini's paintwork.

Ok I'm gonna try and hit my neighbour's window my fridge,

Cheers,Jonan.