Monday, November 30, 2009
Miserable at Best.
Food for thought:It's funny how people seem normal on the surface but yet they seem drawn to the darker side of their nature. Have you ever seen something so horrifying, you feel disgusted but yet you feel a strange fascination that disables you to look away?
There's a beast lurking in all of us. It just depends on whether we feel like unlocking the cage.
Or that's how I felt before she changed my life.
I know that I've been disappointment after disappointment, I know you might think that I'm just a load of mediocre bullshit and I admit that gladly.
But mediocre bullshit that I am, I'd rise up and push myself further for you even if it kills me.
I'm willing to throw away everything I have for you. I feel honest and at peace when we're together.
"Time together is just never quite enough, when we're apart whatever are you thinking of?"
I'd tear myself apart if it just made you the slightest bit happy, Chloe Tai.
Over and fucking out, Jonan.
I can't sleep without feeling your breath on my neck and the scent of your hair.
6:13 AM
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
ordinary
A little devil sits on my left shoulder and whispers: "I know that sometimes, you really wish you were special."
The angel on my right is silent.
I think he went for a smoke.
3:36 AM
I don't deserve kindness nor trust nor love.
I don't know how to be a good person no matter how hard I might try.
But I will be your (fallen) guardian angel, watch dog and take the pain, blood and hurt upon myself.
To my grave.
1:41 AM
Monday, November 23, 2009
sweet dreams are made of these
Sometimes I wondered to myself, the moon and the stars,
Whether I was trying to obtain the unattainable,
Just like a dog chasing cars.
I first saw that girl in the dark, with an ice-cold, unfriendly face,
She wasn't talking to anyone, just crying,
So I thought, goddamn, what a waste.
Through a stroke of inexplicable luck and a brother's lack of subtlety,
To my astonishment and great surprise,
She was being directed to me.
For some absurd reason, in me she placed some trust.
I made a promise to myself,
Never to betray her to anyone, even till the iron in my blood turned to rust.
She completely won me over with her wit, beauty and charm,
Especially the allure of her captivating eyes,
The rate they drew me in, I should have been alarmed.
I would feud with God himself, if it was your soul he'd come to reap,
Not let any harm befall you,
And guard your dreams throughout the night, even as you sleep.
So you have no reason to be afraid, I will be the shadow behind your back,
I'll take the lift with you to the 5th floor,
If it's courage that you lack.
You burn inside my head, together with my dreams of gods and dark desires,
And if you think I'd ever desert you,
Then Shakespeare was a liar.
K this is for Chloe Tai, who despises cheese.
Unfortunately the above is full of it and it's quite crappy but fuck I'll do a better one next time when I've got the inspiration.
Bengs have skillz too k.
Don't kill me when you see me tmr k <3
2:55 AM
Saturday, November 21, 2009
lulz
alvin says:
run for hope
god's in his heaven. says:
YOU BUILDING THE ROAD AH
alvin says:
i go jogging
god's in his heaven. says:
DUN GO LA
RUN FOR WHAT HOPE
WE CLUB FOR HOPE
alvin says:
who going?
god's in his heaven. says:
YOU ALSO NO HOPE RUN FOR WHAT
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
SKILLET says:
lol
LOL
ei ur blog fucking act cute
knn tmr cf i beat u till u die
god's in his heaven. says:
whart
whart
SKILLET says:
knn the stick MAN
god's in his heaven. says:
no happy ah
LOL
SKILLET says:
FUCKING DULAN
WAH CHEEBYE FUCKING DULAN WITH UR STICKMAN
god's in his heaven. says:
LOL FUCK ALOT OF GIRL LIKE MY BLOGSKIN
LOL
SKILLET says:
FUCKING ACT CUTE
TMR U FUCKING DIE SIA
KNN
I CLICK ON THE LINK
I SEE THE STICKMAN WILL MOVE I JITAO EXIT
god's in his heaven. says:
LOL
OMFG
SKILLET says:
DOESNT SUIT U LA
really fucking act cute knn
With friends like these, who needs enemies HAHA?
5:03 PM
IMY.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU SO.
Eh I feel really fucking tired manzzz, I think the fatigue is taking it's toll on me.
I might be falling too deep into the abyss to stop sigh.
7:23 AM
Monday, November 16, 2009
MEH
Sometimes the things people say really cut to the bone. They stick their cruel, little barbs inside of your head and worm their way down to your stomach. Then the sick, nauseating feeling begins and the Devil leans across the table to whisper insidious, belittling caresses into your ear. You block it out and to your surprise it works! But only for a moment, you get a feeling like how it's supposed to hurt but it doesn't, like a paralyzed man touching a hot stove.
Finally, the lump in your chest(NOT THAT LUMP LA) moves up to become the lump in your throat and it escapes your throat perhaps as a whisper, a stifled cry or even just the gnashing of your teeth as knuckle hits concrete.
After that, your mom walks in and slaps you over the head to be quiet and stop being a pussy idiot.
Yeah, basically what words can do to someone in a nutshell, just 26 letters arranged and rearranged to dazzle,delight and belittle your soul.
Chew on this like gum people.
So don't let anyone scare you, you'll know that I'll protect you always; Through the thick and thin, until the end.
3:38 PM
Saturday, November 14, 2009
fuck
I wonder why sometimes I loathe myself so much.
Inexplicable feeling, I need to pop down some prozac.
I can't relax or even oversleep.
I think I'm quite an idiot.
And I wonder all my sentences start with an 'I'.
Must be really drunk/high.
On the other hand, if you irk me one more time, I might just try to destroy you on the inside and the outside. I'll do it subtly, you wouldn't even know what was happening. People who fuck with my friends or loved ones get fucked right back.
After all, it takes a thief to catch one.
4:10 AM
Friday, November 13, 2009
Into the Dark.
From every source of light, there will be a shadow cast.
If only for you to embrace the light, I will walk the shadowed path.
This is the only way.
And I will make you smile, no matter WHAT.
Someone please ask me if I want to perform in some HK drama okay? :D
2:38 AM
Thursday, November 12, 2009
drips through my veins
I understand what being numb means now.
Annoying how this always happens so suddenly, but it follows with a wave of relief, like the exaltation of a mainline junkie when the morphine hits.
It's like someone has shut down the power to my heart.
And I can't turn it back on.
But it feels good! :D
K I sound like C3PO from Star Warz brrrr.
3:03 AM
stagnant
This is not a movie, things just ain't the same as my favourite video.
I went through a million choices, I listened to a million voices and they said,
Don't let me down, they said, don't let me down again.
But I'm just a countdown to the disappointment, I'm yours tonight.
Still, next to you's a very nice place to go.
AND HOW DO I STOP TYPING IN ITALICS KNNCCB LOL.
12:58 AM
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
dream of murder
Sometimes a strong heart and a willingness to die to protect just isn't enough.
1:50 PM
the valley of the shadow of death
I'm not supposed to be afraid. All my life, I've grown up with an instinct to mask my fear or to even banish it completely. I won't lie now that I'm not.
I'm tired and afraid.
This has been the scariest rollercoaster I've been on and it's twists and turns never seem to end even just when you thought that it was smooth sailing for the moment. On the other hand, it's been the most exhilarating ride I've been on and has never failed to leave me breathless.
I have learnt however, that my value ain't worth shit.(Some of you assholes shouldn't further confirm this HAHA.) Cause guys like me are a dime a dozen and we're a touch, overrated.
The shadowed path tempts me back with it's fast-living allure but I am using every cell in my body to resist it.
I feel cold. Not to mention, stupid.(which seems to happen alot)
And it's not because of the air-conditioning either.
"Though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me and cause I've been there and fucking back!"- Psalms 23:4 (amended version)
1:03 AM
Monday, November 09, 2009
WTF PETER
SEX GOD YAHHH says:
jonan remember
i am non-existent
all these dreary rain clouds still bother me. says:
OK
you are a stealth fighter
SEX GOD YAHHH says:
just another fucking good pool player
thats all
keep it low
all these dreary rain clouds still bother me says:
FUCKING ACTION
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SEX GOD YAHHH says:
i had to clean my nipple hair
all these dreary rain clouds still bother me. says:
dude
you should seriously
shave
SEX GOD YAHHH says:
yes i cut
all these dreary rain clouds still bother me. says:
your fucking
SEX GOD YAHHH says:
i know
all these dreary rain clouds still bother me. says:
nipple hair
SEX GOD YAHHH says:
i cut
hahaha
i cut
all these dreary rain clouds still bother me. says:
it's damn long
SEX GOD YAHHH says:
i just try not too
IMAGINE
all these dreary rain clouds still bother me. says:
can tie ribbon in the middle of your chest
SEX GOD YAHHH says:
I CONTINUE CUTTING
40 YEARS OLD
WTF WILL BECOME OF MY NIPPLES
all these dreary rain clouds still bother me. says:
LOL
SEX GOD YAHHH says:
HIDDEN
all these dreary rain clouds still bother me. says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
OMFG
EPIC
SEX GOD YAHHH says:
CROUCHING PENIS HIDDEN NIPPLE
PETER YOU NEVER FAIL TO AMAZE.
1:48 AM
Sunday, November 08, 2009
sigh
I wonder, is it because I'm just a convenient outlet?
Maybe so, but I'd take it anyway.
3:02 AM
Saturday, November 07, 2009
american psycho
You know, sometimes I feel like a fool.
People worry about me, I may sound like a screwed up person but I'm thankful that there actually ARE people who look out for me.
I am trying terribly hard to reform my ways but sometimes I feel like just going into an eternal rest and ending this daily mental torture.
I AM NOT AN EMO KID BTW TYVMUCH.
Well, they say a leopard can never change it's spots but I'd fucking bleach my fur coat for you HAHA.
Nobody will ever use me as a human doormat but I'd let you use my pride to cross over the muddy road.
Don't understand a fucking thing?
I thought so.
P.S I feel like shit so people please don't give me shit until I've had some sleep lulz ty.
10:26 AM
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Frankly, my dear
Back from St. James, DJ was okay, drinks were guuuud shitzxzxz.
It's seems like eons since I clubbed.
Aside from that, I feel like I'm on a cloud. It's still hard to believe that a guy like me would even hold a candle to the numerous other opportunities out there for you. I'm in love with your sharp intellect, cat-like playfullness(:D), your beauty and your exquisite purity of character. K I sound pretty love-struck right now.
I know you may have your faults and I have mine(much more so than you), but I really would love to make things work. I know I can't hesistate anymore, cause Jason Mraz told me.
Sometimes I wrestle with feelings of incapability and self-doubt. You always seems to fly so far even when you are the closest to me. But I'll never regret knowing you and the light you've shed upon my (sometimes bitter) life.
K laugh all you want, but I'm no longer the caustic, acid-spitting, vicious and cynical person you people have known me to be :D You've made me think of reconsidering my priorities and getting ahead with my life.
Because
I said, I've gotta be honest,
I've been waiting for you, all my life.
For so long I thought, I was asylum-bound but just
seeing you, makes me think twice.
And being with you here, makes me sane I fear, I'll go crazy if you leave my side.
I may just be a passing phase to you, but even if you brush me away, I will be your black box and carry your fears locked within me till I am laid to rest.
And I am not using bold letters because I wanna drama, but because I don't know how to turn it off knn.
FRIDAY CHIONG POWERHOUSE AGAIN AI MAI HAHA.
5:21 AM
Monday, November 02, 2009
cb la
Dear God, can I ask you a question?
Is it because we do wicked deeds, that misfortune descends upon us?
1:04 PM
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Confused
No, like seriously, where do we go now?
I don't get myself anymore.
This shit a dream or what?
Dudddeeee, where's my car?
Cause I'm tired of walking on the edge and I'll reach the precipice pretty soon.
I'd rather get savaged and beaten till every fiber of my body hurt again than someone play havoc with my heart.
11:11 PM
I don't wanna
I don't want to spend everyday with trepidition and anxiety in my being.
I don't want to spend everyday wondering if I will ever be able to keep up.
I don't want to feel my mind unweaving every conscious second.
What I do want to do, is breathe in every moment.
I want to spend everyday watching the sunlight dance in your eyes and the moonlight accentuating your hair.
I want to wake up every morning feeling your breath on my neck and your heartbeat against mine.
OK LA DRAMA LA I KNOW. I have to stop this shit or people will start thinking I'm a fag.
5:48 AM