Saturday, October 31, 2009
SNAP
It's hard to believe that it happened.
Something that I only fantasised about in daydreams and depths of my imagination.
It's nothing dirty alright.
Only time will tell but still I am awed and lost in wonderment.
Can't understand at all, well I'd better not push my luck ha.
11:25 AM
Friday, October 30, 2009
Screamager
Fuck this, I don't wanna think about anything anymore.
It's funny how I feel numb, probably waiting for it to sink in.
And btw don't worry, I'm not suicidal just a little miffed I suppose.
And I feel like a flying cow just took a huge dump on my head.
GJ Jonan, you're the best!
5:35 AM
the lengths i would go to.
What would you do for love?
Would you die?
Would you kill?
3:21 AM
Thursday, October 29, 2009
XXX
I give a crooked grin,an aloof wink but I carry the weight of your heart in mine.
I'm afraid that the uncontrollable urge would well up again and overflow onto the people surrounding me, especially those I care about.
I shied away from that path a long time ago and I sure as hell hope I stay off it.
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.
There's really nothing wrong with me.
Use me as you will, pull my strings just for a thrill.
K I'm sure all of you think I'm a narcotics test waiting to happen now don't you.
2:40 AM
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Why like that.
Am fucking tired and sweaty from boxing tsktsktsk.
Going for a drunken drive with the guys laterrrr but I have class at 12 tmr woohoo.
I wonder why I feel stupid. I think that alot. Stop INVADING my thoughts!
And I always feel hungry at the most inconvenient of times.
EMOTION VS. INEPTITUDE.
1:45 AM
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The ragged they come,and the ragged they kill.
He knows the highs and lows
He'll give you what you need
And we all agree it's time to shine
He'll stand and deliver
He goes about his day
Smile and a wink hello
When the picture's gone
Fading to black he's poppin' down prozac
Nobody knows the highs and the lows.
I think I have to get better whiskey.
Cause I've got nothing to do but get screwed up on you woohoo(it rhymes).
I have to start going to school like more frequently.
My teacher forgot I was in his class today, so yeah.
I pray so hard on bloody knees, hey hey, I'm the one that you wanted.
Hey hey I'm your Superbeast.
2:25 AM
Sunday, October 25, 2009
human doormats and blackbox people
"But every lesson we learn from past experiences is not always the one we should have learned."
Anger is the father of violence, as well as I know, but wrath, when it is the product of pure indignation and untainted by ideology, is the father of justice and a necessary answer to evil.
A lesson I have learnt and kept close to my heart. It would do a great good if you did too.
Aside of that, I still feel like a walking bottle of Chivas with scotch sloshing around me splish splish.
2:02 AM
Saturday, October 24, 2009
drunken dreams and split seams.
In your eyes I see a darkness that torments you
and in your head where it dwells.
I'd give you my hand if you'd reach out and grab it.
Let's walk away from this hell.
Do something like this for me caaaan?
Cause if Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied,
Illuminate the 'No's on their vacancy signs,
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks,
I'll follow you into dark.
Watching on as your other half passes on is painful(assuming I ever get one cause I don't :X),but yeah,I think I'd do just that.
Being alone is really tiring.
Yes,more so than your 2.4 run in secondary school.
No really,it is :D
4:31 AM
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I wonder why I'm always bored.
I'm just a sample of a soul made to look just like a human being.
"Cold-blooded, what made you freeze so, what made you hard so, what made you freeze like ice?"
I've always pondered why someone who seems like a normal person on the surface can change into an emotionless machine once something of value is being threatened, strange much?
And yes, just finished gallivanting around Singapore in the car with Mr. Gabriel Beh, the numero uno likeliest person to get caught by the LTA for doing something stupid like forgetting to turn on the car's headlights.
Dad is gonna kill me when he sees the petrol :S
Somemore annoyingly starlight-moonshine vulgarity-free stuff I felt like typing out.
Although he was usually a clumsy dancer, he never once put a foot wrong, and around them turned the lush landscaping that was the consequence of his patient labor, and above them shone the stars that he had never offered her because he wasn't a man given to poetic declarations, but she owned the stars already, and the moon bowed to her as well, and all the heavens, and the night.
Don't ask me why I usually churn shit like this out at night.
I might be some sort of were-poet :D
2:40 AM
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Constellations
Under a great casting of stars, in the moonlight, she is so lovely that words fail him, as they have so often failed him before. Although he knows her as well as he knows himself, she is as mysterious as she is lovely, an eternal depth in her eyes, but she is no more mysterious than are the stars and the moon and all things on the earth.
It's hard to climb out of this pit I'm in, somewhere within me I feel it's a forlorn cause.
But by God, I'll fuckin' try.
2:15 AM
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Voodoo Mystic Shitzxzx
Sometimes I feel like I'm Atlas, the great primevial Titan, chained to destiny and bearing the weight of the entire world on my shoulders.
Other times I feel like I am just a breeze, a passing draft, drifting through lives like the Eastern Wind.
I can be as volcanic as Pompeii itself, raining ash and sorrow down on others when my wrath is provoked.
I can be still like the calm waters on a midsummer's day or a raging maelstrom, greater than the tumultous waves which consumed Atlantis.
Or I can be an idiot, using metaphors which sound too grand for just a teenage dirtbag such as I.
Either way, I don't appreciate people fucking with the ones I love and so the gears have been set into motion.
And it will be long before they trundle to a halt.
4:43 AM
Monday, October 19, 2009
always a cloud covering the sun
What the hell is wrong with the world? Why do people let things like that happen to them?
Stuff like that is horribly disturbing.
I've never given it a fuck when I read about it in the papers but thinking about it happening to someone you know, even casually, affects you profoundly.
I mean like, I wouldn't give it half a thought if I encountered such a problem cause I know(or at least I think I do)I can handle problems like that. But for someone utterly defenseless it's...atrocious.
If I'm not making any sense don't mind me, I never do.
Well, it happens mosta the time when you've just drank two whole bottles of vodka(bragging about my alcohol tolerence again :X).
Or maybe cause all the smoking has made my thought processes differ from a normal human's. Please no brain damage kthxbai.
On top of that, I have no idea why the fuck I've started coughing again. I think it's cause of the excess smoking which is bad for my lungs as well as my wallet. And it's really hard not to cough while you're debating with your mom over Atheism vs Christianity issues when your throat feels like there's some idiot sticking a feather down it.
I cannot fall sick again.
I would miss out on too many drinking nights.
And I don't care, I would fight to the last tooth and nail for any of you.
No matter what you people say or do.
*Applause for heroic, selfless, sacrificial statement please ty.* :DDD
She saw me bleeding, on the bathroom floor.
4:56 AM
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Enjoy the ride while it lasts?
Nah, I think I'll bring the whole damn thing home :D
2:08 PM
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Life,love and lust.
I'm just a sucker,with no self-esteem.
It's funny how love between two individual,even clashing personalities is always fucking timeless. On the other (unfortunate)hand, unrequitedness can be the most painful things that one can experience. Perhaps this is God's way of crafting the human nature,through trials and tribulations.
Or on a more realistic note,I might just be a loser.
It's funny how you can fall,head, heels and all for someone you've just barely met. And then you just torture yourself over the possibilities and the stigma of rejection. I don't know why, but the tragic beauty of loving someone you know who's impossible to hold and treasure within your arms draws people, even if they know they'll be hurt.
Just like moths to a flame. The glimmering, dancing light always seems so enticing even if you know you'll get scarred and burnt.
Moths to a flame.
Just something to chew on.
9:18 AM
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Life out there?
Yes,I'm just felt like writing a few depressing thoughts down.
1.Nobody ever reads my blog but I still continue to post.This proves I (a)have a lot of time,(b)am a loser who still hopes people will eventually stumble over it one day,(c)have nothing else better to do with my life or (d)all of the above.
2.I am faced with the shocking realisation that I am already 18 years old and have done absolutely
nothing with my life nor touched any others.
And no,providing a reliable connection for weed doesn't count.
I have no achievements or awards,neither do I excel in the educational aspect.Quite the contrary,rather.
3.I am going to die single and lonely either homeless or in a one-room flat.(no retirement home cause I won't have any children to stick me in one)
Three years and counting I have had not even the slightest form that could be even passable as a decent,healthy relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
Way to go,exceptional-bad-luck-with-women boy.
Which leads us to depressing thought number:
4.I will be entering NS next year.In NS there will not be any females(perhaps excluding the tough as nails,built like a gorilla female sargeant who will probably kick me in the nuts if I ever asked her out)and the only sexual contact I will ever have will be some second-hand issue of the past year's FHM and my right hand.
Adding insult to injury,I have to make sure the bunk doesn't creak while I'm about it either!
5.In my old age,I will eventually degrade into one of those old men I despise.The ones that hang around hawker centres mooching cigarettes off teenager and cussing like a gangbanger if they are denied.
How very delightful.
Which leads me to say:fuck you,life.
You'd better give me something to brighten up to soon.
2:31 PM
Thursday, October 01, 2009
MEH.
The boys and I all shake our heads in bewilderment.
Where the
fuck do you find girls like that?
Let alone date em'.
7:07 AM